Oooo found another lost blog post from Bali! The rest of them can be found here.
Having no TV, radio or ipod combined with a screwed up foot can severely limit your options for entertainment.
While I’ve been allowing my foot to heal, I’ve been bumming around the hotel for a while. So far I’ve finished reading the 3 novels I recently bought at a second hand book store down the road. Must be a personal record as these weren’t exactly short stories - one book was a hard cover tale about alchemy in the year 1753. Its almost 1500 pages long and heavy enough to knock a man unconscious. I polished that one off in a matter of hours.
Tired of books, I decided to read a copy of Ralph magazine I got at the airport a few weeks ago. I pulled up a sun lounge by the pool and started to thumb through the pages.
10 minutes later, one of the staff approached me. Embarrassed by the situation, he kindly informed me that one of the patrons had found the front cover offending and wanted me to put away the mag. I glanced at the cover - there, a topless holly valance stared lustfully down the barrel of the camera. No nipples, just a hint of side-boob action. Given it was an Islamic week of prayer, I assumed a religious local had spotted it and went crying to reception
Oh boo hoo, go bomb something.
Yeah, I’m goin’ to hell with that comment.
Not wanting to offend, I put away the mag and ordered a bourbon. If I couldn’t stare at 20 year old scantily clad women, at least alcohol can make those 40-something ladies at the other side of the pool look appealing.
ugh.. perhaps not.
This got me thinking.. in a country that heavily censors sex in movies, have a zero tolerance policy on porn and would prefer their women be clothed from head to toe in public, they seem to contradict themselves quite a lot. This was proven 10 minutes later when I decided to go for a quick stroll to the beach. Upon arrival I was granted access to a haven of unadulterated human flesh.
For as far as the eye could see, tanned western skin was on show slowly crisping up in the unforgiving tropical sun. A pair of platinum blonde European teens stroll past me, their attire leaves nothing for the imagination to play with - covered in micro-bikinis, the combined total of lime-green fabric covering the two tourists would barely be enough to fashion a makeshift handkerchief. I turn to see a small group of taxi drivers nudging each other and pointing at the two passers by. One of the guys make eye contact with me and brandishes a toothless grin as he nods towards the barely clothes teens. I choose to ignore him and he goes back to his virtual circle-jerk with his mates.
Throughout the afternoon I would see the same scene unfold multiple times- pretty girl walks past wearing a tiny bikini or something so small that at the right angle, you clould see her vulva. This would immediately be followed by a sea of eyeballs following her every move. Occasionally one of these girls would find a reason to stop and bend over in front of me and the wall of gawking taxi drivers. If it wasnt for the roar of the waves, I swear I would have heard a colletive groan of 20 grown men all blow their load in unison.
After 3 hours of this flesh fest, I decided to wander back to the hotel. I had already tanned a few shades darker and was on the brink of developing the dreaded skin cancers. On my way back I spotted young asian couple locked in an almost violent game of tonsil hockey. Her hands rubbing his back all over like a blind person reading the latest braile edition of penthouse. The male of the promiscuous exhibitionistic couple were a bit more adventurous than hers, working her front like a 6 year old moulding pladough. This softcore porno continued on until I rounded the corner, the pair seemingly unaware of the hordes of indonesian families walking past.
Several hours later, I’m dining at a seemingly traditional Italian restaurant. I assume to qualify as a “traditional” Itlian restaurant, you simply need to have pizza on the menu. For the life of me, there was no pasta or any of the other items youd expect to be on offer.
Not even garlic bread.
I ordered a t-bone steak, medium rare. 10 mins later it arrives - welldone. The ’steak’ was as thin as a pancake and was more of a sliver of meat with a sliver of bone embedded in it. there was no T to be seen. Its as if the chef had stapled some beef to the skull of a rat and fried it up.
At the bar, a chorus of wolf whistles erupted from the bar staff. A couple of male diners had decided to take jelly shots from the naked chest of their female friend. Where the hell was THAT on the drinks menu? I ordred a Mai Tai in the hopes of the same treatment.
All I got was a glass with a shitload of booze in it.
Oh well, no huge loss there.
In the end I figured I’ve witnessed enough adult content in one afternoon that could fill a years worth of ralph magazines. But what confused me on the way back to my room was the reason why my magazine was so offensive to the locals?
Perhaps it wasn’t the objectification of the female body - perhaps it was because it was the fact that Holly Valance was on the cover.
Hmm, I guess even the Indonesians know the difference between a talented singer/actor and a skank whore.
kudos to them.
