Cranial Vomit

Earlier today the news broke…. “Nachos to go” may kill you..

Faithful readers of my blog already know that I am absolutely nutty for is this delicious service station treat. A couple of readers even sent me a few boxes out of sheer love for the grum.

The mob at Mexican Express have issued a voluntary recall for their product due to an isolated case of botulism. Botulism, for those who don’t know is a nasty little disease which will most likely render you useless to society in a short period of time - due to you being dead n’ all.

Strangely enough, given that Botulinum is one of the worlds most powerful toxins, it is regularly shoved into the faces of overly vein celebs in the form of Botox injections.

In the USA, with a approximate population of 301,160,000, only around 27 people were diagnosed with the foodborne illness in the past few months.

I like those odds.

So - in the interests of making sure the fine folks who produce N2G don’t go out of business, I will put my life on the line for you.

That’s right.

My LIFE.

I have a packet of nachos to go right in front of me. Over the last 5 mins, I microwaved it, served it up on a paper plate and consumed it.

Cheese dip n’ all.

Oh, for added thrills to the story - the expiry date is March 30.

The recalled product has a best-before date of April 19.

*insert dramatic music here*

Over the next 36 hours I should start feeling the effects of the disease - assuming I’ve just ingested a tainted batch. Until the time I die, I shall be posting almost hourly reports to the state of my condition.

If you are eager in getting a live feed of these updates, why not subscribe to my feed though your favorite RSS reader (try Bloglines, Yahoo or Google), or even sign up to Twitter to get updates SMSed to you for free?

That’s right folks, this is the MOST exciting thing you will see this weekend…

Update #1 [8:59PM] : Hmm… I feel a little light headed.. might have something to do with the fact that I’ve just had two shooters of tequila. Aside from that, I seem to be botuliii free.

Update #2 [10:16PM] : I think I might have been poisoned.. I just caught myself tapping my feet in time with the latest P.Diddy/Christina Aguilera song.

Update #3 [10:48PM] : Waiting for a taxi. My ability to stand without swaying seems to have diminished. Must drink more Jacks to keep mind off deathyness.

Update #4 [12:06AM] : Home sweet home. They say multiple Enemas may be used in the treatment of Botulism… Hmm, at least there is a silver lining.

Update #4 [12:53AM] : Time for bed, another early morning tomorrow. I’ll try not an die in my sleep.. although I might- the neighbours have Nickelback on repeat. BRAIN ANEURYSM!

Update #6 [1:28AM] : Just got a phone call from a concerned reader…. apparently my brave attempt at showing the world that Nachos to Go are safe might backfire - I seem to have lost the ability to count up to the number 5. Back to bed.

Update #7 [1:02PM] : Woke up. HOLY CRAP! That was the best sleep EVER! For an insomniac, I think I must have broken a personal non-drugged-assisted snooze. I even slept through 2 alarm clocks and 8 phone calls. BOTULISM RULES!

Update #8 [2:56PM] :
Just waiting in a maccas drive-thru. Was driving to the pub when I experienced these strange stomach pains… Hunger or botulism? Only time well tell.

Update #9 [4:51PM] :
Out at the pub with young Annabel, the first of the 20 people who texted/called me about the botulism scare. Feeling a bit stiff… Might be the paralysis… but chances are its cos I’m thinking about Paris Hilton.

Update #10 [10:28PM] :
Sitting at Harry n’ the Boys - the best fast food north of the river, waiting for my fish n’ chips. Jo Ashton seems to be watching me type this entry… Does she know I quite possibly could be dying of botulism? Most importantly - does botulism create hallucinations?

Update #11 [11:36PM] :
Time for bed.. Shoulders are a bit stiff now. Most likely it is due to me jumping around the lounge room swinging the wiimote around like a pseudo-flyswatter. Somehow I do believe nachos to go are indeed safe…

Update #12 [1:58AM] :
Craving more junk food.. Do I risk one of my 2 boxes of N2G? No stores seem to be stocking them anymore.. Could they turn into collector items? Should I increase the risk in getting the deadly killer box o’ doom? Why am I wearing my underwear inside out?

FINAL Update[8:25AM] :
Well, I think I’ve given it enough time and I can safely say….

I AM NOT DYING OF BOTULISM!

With the extremely scientific way that I have held this experiment, I can unequivocally say, without a doubt, that Nachos to Go are completely safe for consumption.

So readers of my blog, go forth and purchase yourself a box of these scrumptious Mexican treats - make sure that the company keeps afloat. Do it for small businesses.. do it for AUSTRALIA.