Whilst looking through my Myspace bulletins, I noticed one posted by Gareth saying he doesn’t know me from a bar of soap.
Well, I’m here to clarify.
This is me.
This is a bar of soap.
Somewhere…… not too sure where..
Archive for January, 2007
14
Jan
earth shattering…
There I was surfing Myspace, posting bulletins, sending eMails, stalking preteens…
y’know, the usual….
and then I get this eMail in response to my recent bulletin……
I feel so olllllddddddddd….
14
Jan
Film this, baby.
I love movies.
No really, I LOVE movies.
If you could take the concept of movies and turn it into a corporal being, I would kidnap it and take it to my basement where I would tie it to the boiler, ravage it’s pert little body all night and.. uh… do stuff to it.
ok, it’s 41 degrees out there - I’m fresh out of wit.
One thing I hate about movies though, is movie trailers - either they give away plot lines or just completely misrepresent the flick.
But when I saw this trailer, well I literally got goosebumps.
Unfortunately when it comes to good laugh-out-loud TV, it seems the folks running the free-to-air TV and pay TV in Australia. Thankfully channel bittorrent serves me up with quality viewing on a daily basis from shows around the world.
Only a few HOURS till nominations close for the 2007 Bloggies and the 2007 Aussie blog awards…
Y’know people - I put my heart and soul out there for all of you people and I ask very little in return.
I suppose the only thing I wish in return for my hard work and effort is a measly little blog nomination… as well as free teenage sex, a Maserati GranSport Spyder and Milla Jovovich chained to my oven.
So why not just click on the links below, nominate me and then you can get back to whatever prono site you’ve been busy violating yourself to.
Don’t lie. I know what you are doing.. you dirty dirty person! you dirty whore who needs to be spanked and disciplined… mmmm…
oooh yeah.
lick your fingers.. ooh yeah. do it for me baby. now say my name. SAY MY NAME BITCH!
mmyahhhhhhhhhh..
http://www.collectiveapathy.com/bernies_07_nominations
If you don’t nominate me, I’ll kill baby jesus and violate his body with this stick-like stick.
Stick violation isn’t really that much fun..
even for a dead guy.
And you know Jesus is gonna be pissed at you afterwards cos he does that resurrecting thing? Y’know what I’m talkin’ about right? He’s gonna be spending most of Sunday pilling pieces of broken stick out of his sphincter..
You don’t wanna mess with a deity with a bleeding sphincter.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, Perth band Little Birdy is hosting a free gig for the Lovely people of Western Australia. The gig is scheduled this Friday, the 12th and the location is now (apparently) not a secret anymore….. I’d tell you this 3 hours ago if I wasn’t so BUSY at work..
Bah. Pricks.
Aaaanyways…
Where to go?
Mojo’s Bar in 237 Queen Victoria St in North Freo.
When to go?
7PM but turn up early to avoid the rush - Mojo’s isn’t exactly huge and there is limited capacity.
Entry to whom?
Over 18’s only. Sorry kids..
What else do I need to know?
Free stuff is given out! Woo! Well, merchandise n’ junk…
So enjoy Y’all! I probably can’t make it myself as Fremantle isn’t exactly that close to where I’ll be this weekend :)
09
Jan
A legend has passed away
A very sad story hit PerthNorg this morning - Momofuku Ando, the founder-chairman of Nissin Food Products Co, who was widely known as the inventor of instant noodles, died of a heart failure this evening at a hospital in Ikeda, Osaka Prefecture, his family said. He was 96.
Rest in peace noodle man.
RAmen.
i just woke up by a rude phone talking to me..
so i got up and checked my email…
and i wondered what day it was…
so i looked to my left.
my left usually tells me what day it is.
but it didn’t.
cos its stuck on 2006.
i need a new calendar.
preferable for 2007.
someone get me one please. I’m too lazy and forgetful to get one until I actually need one, which is usually at home when I’m already stripped down to my underwear or in a robe or wearing no clothes or eating yogurt that had spilt on me cos i usually do that when I’m at home trying to eat yogurt in my underwear.. not that the yogurt is IN my underwear when i eat it.. well, sometimes it is, and I do eat crotchgurt as some of you know. but i don’t do the spilling on purpose. generally i try to eat it out of the tub as there are less crumbs mixed in and it and it doesn’t have that strange salty fish smell.. especially on hot summer days.. ugh…
I’d better go back to bed..
G
PS. I do realise I’ve put this blog post under the ‘drunken rants’ category but I’m half asleep, doped up on my normal sleeping tablets, its nearly 3 in the morning and I’m craving froot loops and pop tarts. which brings me to a common complaint of mine - why the FUCK did Kellogg’s stop selling pop tarts in Australia?
I mean COME ON! they were MAGICALLY DELICIOUS TASTY MOUTH TREATS.
goddamnit.
so peoples…..
send me pop tarts and 2007 calendars.
that is all.
I was listening to the boys of the boogaloo tonight and someone mentioned Sarah Silverman… I think… I couldn’t catch the web feed so I was listening to the radio with shocking static…
anyways, that prompted me to jump on youtube and do a search for some of her skits.. I bumped into the following clip - it isn’t her usual laugh-out-loud funny, but it hits very close to home with my current unnatural fetish for my Sidekick phone…
Ahh yes, the boys from the Eclectic Boogaloo are back on the radio - if you don’t know who they are….
well…. lucky you.
catch them through the website at twincitiesfm.com.au
or try the link below if you’re lucky:
if you are in the northern suburbs, tune into 89.7fm on the wireless.
oh.. by now, I mean NOW… Monday 10PM to whenever the hell they want.. usually midnight.
so listen.
request music.
enjoy.
Now for the Perthies out there, Little Birdy will be having a free show for all who attend (well, almost all who attend - limited numbers)… I’d say this is a GRUM EXCLUSIVE but the buggers beat me to the punch and stuck a post on the net about it.
It is happening THIS FRIDAY 12th Jan - the location is hush hush until closer to the day. So keep an eye on my site, I might just tell you where it is before the official announcement..
Two nights ago I had a few (ahem) drinks with Jamie and Aaron, a couple holidaying from the UK. Earlier that day I had saved them from a hawker who they managed to severely piss off and was heckling them in Indonesian. I bumped into the couple again that night so they bought me some drinks in appreciation. After the 15th round it was time to head back to the hotel.
Given my state, Jamie refused to let me take a taxi and offered for me to stay at their villa. Luckily for them (not for me), I didn’t have to share their bed as they had plenty of room. Due to an error in booking, their hotel gave them a huge villa with two bedrooms which they didn’t need.
In the morning, I had developed a massive headache thanks to their horrible pillows. My neck was killing me and it felt I had two megaphones strapped to my head. The two poms decided I could be a solution to their current predicament - they had organised to have a DVD player delivered to the room, but it was a gorgeous day and Jamie wanted to go white water rafting with some friends. They asked if I could stay at least till the DVD player was delivered. I graciously accepted and let them go on their merry little way.
At midday, a family had checked into the adjoining villa. Two parents and their 3 annoying little shits. The kids were running around, screaming, yelling and basically being your average kid although twice as loud.
An hour later reception rang to tell me the DVD guy had arrived. I had them send him to the villa to set it all up. After he was done, I was at the front door saying good bye and noticed the parents of the kids walking back to their villa.
I decided to flag down the dad. He was in his 40s, well built with flecks of grey in his strangely full head of hair.
“Excuse me sir, would it be at all possible if you could ask your kids to quieten down? I’ve got a bad headache and am trying to sleep”. I asked politely.
He stared at me for what felt like 30 seconds and then his face turned red.
”YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO” he yelled at me in broken English, ”If you don’t want hangover, don’t drink! no drunk Australian tells ME what to do!”
woah.
Yeah, I did smell like I had rolled around on the floor of a pub for a few hours, but I simply don’t get hangovers. The lack of a shower and the humidity just made me smell like a homeless bum.
It was probably the pain killers mixed in with the public humiliation, but something just snapped in my head. Normally in these cases I turn all professional-like and diffuse the situation. but that didn’t happen this time…
”Well EXCUSE ME”, I barked back at him like a rabid pit bull. ”I’m so SORRY that my HANGOVER has ruined YOUR day, kind SIR. It just so happens that my HANGOVER is actually a side effect of the medication I’m taking for my TERMINAL ILLNESS. I’ll remember next time when my DYING inconveniences your INABILITY to be a fucking COMPETENT PARENT and I’ll TRY and turn down the effects of my CANCER”. With that, I turned on the heel of my left foot and stormed inside.
Thank you year 12 drama class.
Oh, and to those who didn’t catch on: I’m not dying. I just tend to be overly melodramatic in the heat of the moment.
In hindsight I knew I shouldn’t have confronted him like that, but I couldn’t help it. When I was 8 someone asked my dad to quieten me down as I was creating a ruckus at a restaurant. My dad in all his wisdom took that as an invitation to punch the guy’s teeth down his throat. From that day onwards I knew being an alpha male in these situations generally works in my favor - although sometimes you have to use a crowbar to assert your alpha male status.
Afterwards I didn’t hear a peep from the kids. I napped for 2 more hours, left a note for the poms and dropped the keys at reception.
Earlier tonight I got a text message from Aaron which read: ”Hi Chris, thx 4 the othr day. dont kno wat u did but hotel kiked out our neibors + gave us free b/fast & US$100 off dinr @ sushi restrnt. cum round. dinr on us.”
Yeah, took me a while to understand that too.
Wooo! another free meal!
I love Bali.
G
PS. to the crazy dad and his 3 failed abortions - thank you. that was the best sushi ive had in years.
OK.. 2:06AM and I’m done….
ugh that was messy. the server shat itself, I lost everything, the backups were corrupted and I developed a drinking problem..
but all is sorted now…
there were a few casualties, my Bali blogs are all out of order again, but I’ll just post one for you after this to please the hardcore readers out there (you know who you are) and I think I’ve lost a couple of posts that I made this week… otherwise everything else seems fine.
now… I must stab microsoft..
just upgrading database software and a bunch of server stuff…
keep an eye on http://twitter.com/grum for updates..
EDIT: I think everything is back to normal…. phew.
06
Jan
Perth Wrestling 2007
The Perth wrestling scene is an ever changing landscape - currently dominated by Explosive Pro Wrestling, a small handful of competing companies have popped up, kicked around a bit and haven’t dropped of the face of the earth - yet.
The young lads (and ladettes) of EPW have managed to make a name for themselves recently building a relationship up with New Japan Dojo and NWA Pro, not to mention spreading the brand to the city of Adelaide and they promise to make 2007 their best year yet with new and exiting changes which will change the face of Australian wrestling.
Below is a highlights package for EPW’s last show “Re-awakening” with music from “Heavy Weight Champ“. Their next show “Hot Summers Night” will be on the 20th January- I’ll be there with bells on.
Well, perhaps not bells… but I certainly will be there in costume - any excuse to dress up like a complete tool suits me fine.
