Cranial Vomit

The internets is a wonderful place. I’ve been online in one form or another since the late 80’s and have met a LOT of people. The majority of the people have been awesome and I (lamely) try to keep in touch with them in real life as much as possible.

Unfortunately there is the flip-side to that as well…

The freakin’ psychopathic weirdos.

Now most people think that only the females out there get loonies hassling them online and in real life, but it does seem us guys get it as well.

I just got off the phone a few mins ago with someone who could easily be defined as my personal stalker. The reason why I had to call this girl was thanks to a series of texts I got over the past few hours..

The text messages started off quite innocently:

SMS: “Hey Chris, was just thinkin of yu. wanna come to NB tonight n pill? my shout”

30 mins later:

SMS: “Hey not sure you got my last msg. call me”

Whilst this was happening, she started to message me on MSN:

MSN: “Hellloooooooooo you there? :-)”
MSN: “Did you get my text messages? I wanna party LOL”
MSN: “You thereeee?”

5 mins later:

SMS: “You getting my MSN messages? i think your phone is broke. did you drop it again? LOL”

2 mins later:

SMS: “I know youre home Chris. Stop ignoring my messages”

At this time I was out shopping in Karrinyup and didn’t want to be disturbed as it was simply a de-stress time for me. My MSN said I was away and also mentioned I was out at the shops at the time - you’d think she’d put two and two together and figure out that I was busy.

But no:

MSN: “HEY!!”
MSN: “I can see you on Myspace. are you not talking to me?”

The fact of the matter is that my computer at home is connected to the net 24/7 much like my sidekick phone. It is continuously logging onto my Myspace account and forwarding me any comments or friends requests etc to my eMail account as well as auto-responding to eMails sent to my Myspace account. Also, I have it set up to auto-post blog entries and bulletins that I usually write earlier in the day. The same goes for my cranialvomit blog.

So to anyone who is paying attention to the blog or my Myspace profile, yes it does look like I’m online a lot - but in reality I may be out at work or on the other side of the country.

In this case though, I was at Karrinyup shopping for manchester.

The bed sheets that is, not the football club… they don’t pay me THAT much at work. It has getting increasingly embarrassing to me that people are witnessing my hideously mis-matched bedroom linen.. but I digress.

Anyway, things quietened down thereafter. I got home at 10PM after almost 4 hours of shopping and noticed I had 5 missed calls from a private number. I don’t answer private numbers anyway because I have a LOT of people who have my number as it’s available on the net for all to see. I don’t mind random stranger text messages but I’ll only voice chat people who I know. I figured if it was important they’d leave a voice-mail so I kicked off my shoes, watched an episode of the Daily Show and eventually passed out on the couch.

At 10 past midnight I was awoken by a message:

SMS: “FOR FUCKS SAKES CHRIS GROW SOME BALLS. IF YOU DONT LIKE ME THEN FUCKING TELL ME AND STOP HIDING FROM ME. I KNOW YOURE ONLINE”.

Well, I wasn’t online - I was busy being asleep and allowing drool to ooze down my neck.

So I decided to pick up the phone and sort this mess out - I was greeted by tears over the phone, followed up by a barrage of insults, abuse and then begging.

So for the first time in my life, I had to tell someone who thought they were my friend to basically fuck off and die.

It wasn’t a very fun thing to do. Yes, I do have a bit of a temper and have had my share of screaming matches with people as well as a few punch-ups. But I don’t break up with friends - I either stay friends, we drift apart or they turn on me and go mental. I’m too much of a pussy to tell people to go away when I don’t like them.

But it seemed it was my turn to go mental this time and I had to get rid of her.

So now after blocking any form of communication that she can have with me (aside from my mailing address - thankfully she’s never been to my house) I still feel incredibly lousy and a bit weirded out about the whole surreal experience.

I’ve had my fair share of ’stalker’ type people online who don’t get the hint that I’m too busy to talk to them and even I’ve had two incidents where someone actually abused everyone on my top 8.

But tonight really took the cake.

So here is a tip for the girls and guys out there - chill the fuck out, creepy isn’t really that attractive.