Two nights ago I had a few (ahem) drinks with Jamie and Aaron, a couple holidaying from the UK. Earlier that day I had saved them from a hawker who they managed to severely piss off and was heckling them in Indonesian. I bumped into the couple again that night so they bought me some drinks in appreciation. After the 15th round it was time to head back to the hotel.
Given my state, Jamie refused to let me take a taxi and offered for me to stay at their villa. Luckily for them (not for me), I didn’t have to share their bed as they had plenty of room. Due to an error in booking, their hotel gave them a huge villa with two bedrooms which they didn’t need.
In the morning, I had developed a massive headache thanks to their horrible pillows. My neck was killing me and it felt I had two megaphones strapped to my head. The two poms decided I could be a solution to their current predicament - they had organised to have a DVD player delivered to the room, but it was a gorgeous day and Jamie wanted to go white water rafting with some friends. They asked if I could stay at least till the DVD player was delivered. I graciously accepted and let them go on their merry little way.
At midday, a family had checked into the adjoining villa. Two parents and their 3 annoying little shits. The kids were running around, screaming, yelling and basically being your average kid although twice as loud.
An hour later reception rang to tell me the DVD guy had arrived. I had them send him to the villa to set it all up. After he was done, I was at the front door saying good bye and noticed the parents of the kids walking back to their villa.
I decided to flag down the dad. He was in his 40s, well built with flecks of grey in his strangely full head of hair.
“Excuse me sir, would it be at all possible if you could ask your kids to quieten down? I’ve got a bad headache and am trying to sleep”. I asked politely.
He stared at me for what felt like 30 seconds and then his face turned red.
”YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO” he yelled at me in broken English, ”If you don’t want hangover, don’t drink! no drunk Australian tells ME what to do!”
woah.
Yeah, I did smell like I had rolled around on the floor of a pub for a few hours, but I simply don’t get hangovers. The lack of a shower and the humidity just made me smell like a homeless bum.
It was probably the pain killers mixed in with the public humiliation, but something just snapped in my head. Normally in these cases I turn all professional-like and diffuse the situation. but that didn’t happen this time…
”Well EXCUSE ME”, I barked back at him like a rabid pit bull. ”I’m so SORRY that my HANGOVER has ruined YOUR day, kind SIR. It just so happens that my HANGOVER is actually a side effect of the medication I’m taking for my TERMINAL ILLNESS. I’ll remember next time when my DYING inconveniences your INABILITY to be a fucking COMPETENT PARENT and I’ll TRY and turn down the effects of my CANCER”. With that, I turned on the heel of my left foot and stormed inside.
Thank you year 12 drama class.
Oh, and to those who didn’t catch on: I’m not dying. I just tend to be overly melodramatic in the heat of the moment.
In hindsight I knew I shouldn’t have confronted him like that, but I couldn’t help it. When I was 8 someone asked my dad to quieten me down as I was creating a ruckus at a restaurant. My dad in all his wisdom took that as an invitation to punch the guy’s teeth down his throat. From that day onwards I knew being an alpha male in these situations generally works in my favor - although sometimes you have to use a crowbar to assert your alpha male status.
Afterwards I didn’t hear a peep from the kids. I napped for 2 more hours, left a note for the poms and dropped the keys at reception.
Earlier tonight I got a text message from Aaron which read: ”Hi Chris, thx 4 the othr day. dont kno wat u did but hotel kiked out our neibors + gave us free b/fast & US$100 off dinr @ sushi restrnt. cum round. dinr on us.”
Yeah, took me a while to understand that too.
Wooo! another free meal!
I love Bali.
G
PS. to the crazy dad and his 3 failed abortions - thank you. that was the best sushi ive had in years.
