Archive for November 23rd, 2006

23
Nov

How to keep up with grum

By thatgrumguy 0 Comments
Categories: General blah

One of the problems with my babbling on at random times through my blog is that people seem to lose track of my posts. I often get eMail from people asking if I can eMail them when I post a blog.. well, thats kinda hard work and generally these eMails get ignored as spam. I won’t make a promise to post every night by a certain time either but I do have a suggestion…

If you sign up at Twitter and add me as a favorite, you can be notified via SMS for free - every time I update the blog. or do anything moderately interesting to post about.

Not only will you be told about my posts wherever and whenever you are, but by getting all these text messages sent to you it will make you look like you have more friends you than you really have!

And we all know your real-life friendslist isn’t as magnificent as your Myspace friendslist.

You cant be as popular as I - thats almost impossible to be as great as I.

I I I I ME ME ME ME I I ME MYSELF MMMMMM sexy… me touch me there.. i love me..

uhh… wha? sorry. where was I?

Imagine it.. sitting at the family Christmas party and a text comes in from me. Your relatives will be SO shocked - they always thought you were a little retarded kid with an inability to associate with other human beings, but now they know you have friends thanks to that single SMS.

Now they just think you’re a retard with a mobile phone… but thats WAY better. That hot 3rd cousin might even get it on with you given you have climbed the ranks of family member popularity.

So why not, sign up and join the wonderful world of the technological era.

Awww, c’mon - don’t do it for me, do it for the thrill of getting text messages for free from America.

It’s what all the cool kids are doing.

G

23
Nov

hmmmm.. tangy

By thatgrumguy 2 Comments
Categories: General blah and Myspace hate

Earlier in the day, I posted a comment on the Myspace bulletin thingy.

It went a little like this:

————————————————
From: grum the evil boxmonster! BOXZILLA!
Date: Nov 23, 2006 5:23 PM
Subject y’know what myspace is missing?
Body:

Bulletins about fisting.

I mean, when was the last time you sat down and read a quaint little bulletin about handballing one’s lover?

I don’t believe I’ve seen even one bulletin and thats just a travesty.

Just a thought is all..

G
————————————————

Well, after I sent that out, I got a butt-load of emails (hah!), so now I write a rebuttal (puns intended).

It seems the people of Myspace are a lot more open than I expected and after the last bulletin, I now understand why people choose to keep the concept taboo and hidden away from public attention.

So after that, I decided to go through the Rolodex of the left hemisphere of my brain and locate something that actually IS taboo and not regularly discussed on this fine social networking site.

I came up with one thing…

Felching.

This fine sexual practice is usually performed behind closed doors, usually by two consenting adults but occasionally by a small handful of Greek men in Turkish bathhouses.

But do you ever hear about it?

No.

Even at the office Christmas party, when everyone is all liquored up and spilling juicy secrets about themselves - the utterance of the word felching is never to be heard. Sure, you might get offers for a good sodomy session by your employer, or that receptionist with the mustache may throw up her dinner all over the HR manager but felchery isn’t discussed.

Why?

I really don’t know.

And really, I don’t know WHY I don’t know. Unlike the aforementioned fisting, the possibility in tearing one’s love cavity is very low. It is a safe and fun activity that should be enjoyed by the whole family.

So the next time you see a cream pie in front of you, don’t just stare at it through glazed eyes and look for someone to high-five. Why not share the nectar of the love gods with your loved one, or even with a 3rd person in the room - say your 13 year old brother hiding in the closet with the video camera. I’m sure he’d be up to a bit of snowball action with you.

Oh, and don’t forget to share your adventures with the rest of the online community.

Because really, there isn’t enough smut on the internets.

G