Cranial Vomit

g’day all.

well, here i am. its been just under a week now and im officially over it.

being homesick is pretty much crushing me. im in jakarta at the moment, living with my uncle in a giant box that could barely pass off as a house. there are 7 people living here with me, there is no aircon, no running hot water, its infested with vermin and im just plain miserable.

unfortunately since its in the middle of the slums, I havent been able to go out wandering the city - given i’d have absolutely no idea how to get back. so im trapped.

one thing that i worried about is my constant need to blog. unable to acquire a laptop for the trip, i thought i’d be lost. but somehow ive managed to type up 20 or so pages worth on my palm pilot. if you’ve ever used one of those things, youll know its a bit of a feat to even bother to type at least 1 page.

so i guess blogging seems to be the only thing that has been entertaining me - stupidly enough though I cant get the texts off my PDA since I didnt bring the cable. so expect this blog to be jam packed full of boring self riteous posts when i get back early next month.

but salvation is around the corner. in a few days ill be jetting off to bali and escape this cesspool. once there, ill be back to my old stomping grounds - free to do what i want whenever i want. i just realised that I havent touched alcohol in amost a week. dear god.. kill me now. damn religeous relatives.

i’m a bit disappointed at some people at work - i had kindly asked to be kept in the loop with all the goss etc that was happening in the office. not one email and only a handful of text messages that told me nothing. i’ve gotten more emails and texts from people i havent even met in person in comparison to what ive been getting from people ive known for years. I only managed to find out today from a single person that it seems a lot of shit has been happening over the past week. naturally im a social sponge. everyone knows that. when im not being fed, ill just wither up and go elsewhere.

aaarrghghgh. just proof reading this blogpost and all i can see is negativity. yes, im miserable, but thats my own fault. I promised to stay with my rellies whilst in jakarta - so in turn, i sacrificed all abilities in being a tourist when im here. i havent spoken to a single english speeking person for a week, so thats equally as frustrating as well.

dont get me wrong - jakarta is an AWESOME place.. as long as you overlook the poverty, pollution and people in general. There are around 25 million people living in this city. Back home, Perth has 1.5 million. Australia has just over 20 million. The city itself can’t be bigger than Melborne. I could be wrong tho. It feels that at least half of the 25 million are on the streets packing up every single road with a horde of vehicles. Traffic jams are everywhere. It took me 3 hours to drive to this shopping mall from where I was staying… it probably would have taken me 45 minutes to walk.. if i knew where i was going.

So far thanks to my family-induced isolation, I’ve spent about AU$50 which is amazing for me since id probably spend that in one day back home. I think the next time i come here, I’ll stay in a nice hotel, hire a driver and not tell the relatives that im in the country.

i am missing you people at home a LOT. so, give a guy a break and send me some lovin’ :)

this poor excuse for an internet cafe is about to close now.. farewell for now..

ok, ignore my previous comments about being able to SMS me - out of curiosity, i checked with my phone carrier and found out that they had switched roaming on my other phone number and there is a big hooplah about them fixing it.

so don’t text me :)

well, you can text me, ill be bringing all my sim cards - I’m just not gonna publish my second number on the website. but if you feel you need to text me for whatever reason, just eMail me and ill give you the proper number.

bye!

oh.. 945 minutes to go..

arrrguhghh

3791 minutes to go.

i’m sitting here right now and all i can smell is the stale beer from the 12 or so empty bottles next to me and the putrid plastic smell of the white faux-leather wallet that is holding my plane tickets to oblivion.

Enya is playing in the background, mixed with the loud buzz of my two computers and I find myself wondering to myself, “Why the fuck do I have Enya in my MP3 collection?”. At least that thought momentarily stopped the psychosis…

For gods sakes?! why the hell am I feeling so anxious at the moment? Its ONLY a frikkin’ holiday.

I’ve done a lot with my life that has been a lot more riskier.. I’ve jumped off a 20 story tower.. I’ve stuck my hand in the mouth of a live crocodile.. I’ve put god-knows-what chemicals into my body.. I’ve been married.. I’ve been mugged at knife-point.. I’ve been shot at.. But not one of those things have generated as much anxiety as I have right at this moment.

ah fuck the 20 page long post.. im goin out.

3553 minutes to go……

holidays are supposed to be relaxing right?

RIGHT?!

huh… let me just check…

hol·i·day
n. A day free from work that one may spend at leisure, especially a day on which custom or the law dictates a halting of general business activity to commemorate or celebrate a particular event.

ok… so my understanding of the definition seems to be correct..why exactly am I not experiencing this so-called “leisure”?

So far this week I’ve spent a couple of hours at home to unwind. Aside from that, I’ve been running around the Perth countryside trying to tie up loose ends before my trip. Paperwork had to be filled in, passports had to be photocopied, luggage had to be fetched from everyone I had lent them to and retarded gardeners had to be rescheduled. In an attempt at getting some me-time, I decided to go for a jog at the beach yesterday afternoon - my head was so lost in thoughts about trip preparation that i managed to run straight into a parked car, ricocheting into a large bush with lots of pretty little pink and white flowers.

Naturally these pretty little posies seemed to attract a large number of bees…I hate bees.

My insomnia has kicked into full gear recently so I went to the doctor to get some stronger pills given the fact that I seem to have developed a bit of a tolerance to the current batch of temazepam that I have. During the consult, Dr Seuss noticed me grinding my teeth and not being able to sit still. I naturally have a tendency to fidget, plus before i got there I had polished off my 3rd Red Bull for the afternoon (it’s all I had to drink in the fridge). After a series of go-nowhere questions and a quick glance at the clock above me (I was his last patient) he turns to his computer, punches in a bunch of random words and prints me out a script. He tells me that these magical little pills will deal with my anxiety and help me to sleep.
After getting home from getting the script made out, I did a quick google search on the drug I’ve been prescribed. Lo and behold the old codger had prescribed me anti-depressants. This didn’t particularly bother me until I saw the side effects - diarrhea, nausea and insomnia…. yes, the same bloody disorder I’m trying to cure happens to be a side-effect.

Bastards.

Whats worse is that I only ask for script-medication because over the counter drugs have a nasty half-life of 12 hours, which is why they usually give me a mofo of a hangover the next morning. According to alphapharm who make the pills, the half-life is 18 hours. Gah. Arg. Mrghgffff.

Angry angry angry grum.

So here I am, waiting impatiently for the weekend to come. Yes, I’m on holidays yet I want the weekend to come and save me. Not exactly quite sure what I’m doing this weekend.. Thankfully people seem to plan my weekends for me. I’ll go and do whatever anyone tells me… Honestly, one day if someone tells me to go perform fellatio on a goat during the weekend, I’ll do it. As long as I know it benefits me in some kind of weekendy-goodness kinda way.

I’ve made a decision that life was much easier when I was 6. Back in those days you didn’t have to worry about much.. All that was on my mind at the time were simple things, like when was Voltron on, how many chocolates I can stuff down my throat before I get sick and how I play on the trampoline in the backyard without havng that weird old bloke from next door try and show me his willy.

Ahh yes… creepy old man willies… memories.

Unfortunately though I don’t own a time machine nor am I able to slingshot myself around the sun using it’s immense gravitational pull - so I’ll just have to make do.

Ok. vent over. back to work.

G

Quite frankly, I’m rather pissed off at the moment.

The other day I lost my Ipod.

My beloved Ipod was an important part of by being.. It was much like my unborn conjoined Siamese twin, attached to me via a thin white umbilical chord protruding from my ears. I wept, dear god did I weep yet it did not return. So unfortunately I have to shell out a coupla’ hundred clams to get myself a new one.

Doesn’t really help me when I’m extremely off-course with my budget for the next two months of holidays… But fuck it, thats what I have to say.

But back to Armageddon. Most of you may know that I have a habit of causing tragedies when traveling overseas… well, the bad things are starting to happen around me. At the time of writing this blog post, the 52nd person in Indonesia has fallen prey to the dreaded bird flu, the sale of body parts in China has increased dramatically in the past year and Typhoon Xangsane pounds the Philippines like a 200 pound man on a 10 year old Philippino boy.

Yet I try to look at the positive side of things, this certainly lowers the cost of my travel insurance. No longer shall I be weighted down with an expensive ipod, laptop, digital camera or video camera… thats cos i’ve either lost, not obtained, broken or fried those things.

But this does mean one thing - I could quite possibly vanish from the internet for a whole month. I’ve been connected in one form or another to the net since I was 13. At the age of 27, things can get a little hard when a guy like me is disconnected. Heck, if it wasn’t for my mobile and it’s ultra slow WAP-goodness I’d probably start havin’ the shakes and start dry-humping a payphone….

That has absolutely nothing to do with being disconnected… I just have a thing about payphones.

So what do I do now? A grum with no internet (let alone electronics) in general is like a lobster with a loaded shotgun - completely pointless, not very funny but quite possibly incredibly lethal to anyone around it. But I guess over the next month I shall just suck it up or just sulk a lot.

Unfortunately for the rest of you, this may mean that my final post until mid November will be only a few days away. No longer shall you have your mind corrupted with the filth and depravity of my brain.. you’ll just have to make do with entertaining yourself with the conventional things from the web like midget porn and the joys of.. well, more midget porn.

G

I only just got home… lets see, it’s 9:50 on a monday evening and i was last home 7am friday morning. So perhaps i shall take a shower, have dinner, read the several billion eMails I have and then possibly do something constructive.

In the meantime, please enjoy some turtle porn.